Childhood Anxiety Guide: Recognizing Signs and Finding Relief
- Destinee Kreil
- Jan 19
- 4 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Children are naturally wired to feel worry—it’s a survival mechanism that keeps them safe. Whether it’s butterflies on the first day of school or a jump-scare from a sibling, these emotions are normal.
But what happens when those butterflies turn into an overwhelming swarm that stops your child from thriving? At Strong River Counselling, we help families distinguish between normal developmental fears and clinical anxiety.
At Strong River Counselling, we understand how overwhelming it feels when your child is struggling. We created this Childhood Anxiety Guide to help parents distinguish between normal worries and clinical anxiety. Research shows that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health condition for children and youth, affecting approximately 1 in 10 children. These numbers have risen significantly in recent years, making it more important than ever for parents to have the right tools.
Understanding the Childhood Anxiety Guide: Worry, Fear, and the Alarm System
To support your child, it helps to understand what is happening in their brain. Think of it as an internal alarm system that sometimes gets "stuck" in the on position.
1. Normal Worries (The Caution Signal)
Worries are temporary and context-specific. My own daughter might worry about being late for school or a sibling taking a toy.
Impact: Minimal. The child still eats, sleeps, and plays normally once the event passes.
2. Fear vs. Anxiety: The Bear Encounter
While people often use "fear" and "anxiety" interchangeably, they are triggered by different types of danger. To understand the difference, imagine you are out for a hike:
Fear is seeing the bear: You are hiking and suddenly see a bear 10 feet away. Your heart races, your muscles tense, and you instantly react to stay safe. This is Fear—an adaptive, immediate response to a real threat happening right now.
Anxiety is refusing to leave the house because you might see a bear: You love hiking, but you stop going entirely because you are paralyzed by the thought that a bear could be there. You feel the same racing heart and sweaty palms even though you are sitting safely on your couch. This is Anxiety—a future-oriented "false alarm" to a threat that isn't actually present.
The Bottom Line: Fear is the helpful response to a real threat; anxiety is the unhelpful response to a "what-if" scenario.
Recognizing the Signs: When the Alarm Becomes Chronic
Because children often lack the vocabulary to explain "anxiety," it frequently manifests as physical symptoms or "big behaviors." When the "Bear Alarm" goes off too often, look for these red flags:
Physical Complaints: Frequent stomach aches or nausea (especially before school).
Behavioral Shifts: Increased irritability, "meltdowns," or sudden perfectionism.
Avoidance: Refusing to attend parties, school, or activities they used to enjoy.
Reassurance-Seeking: Constantly asking “What if…?” or needing repeated confirmation.
5 Evidence-Based Coping Skills for Kids
At Strong River Counselling, we believe in building a "toolbelt" for your child. Research consistently supports these strategies for recalibrating a sensitive alarm system:
Belly Breathing: Deep breathing sends a physical signal to the brain that there is "no bear" and it is safe to relax.
Become a Thought Detective: When a "what-if" thought appears, ask: "Is that a fact, or just a feeling?" 3. Positive "I Can" Statements: Help them rehearse phrases like, "This feeling will pass" or "I am safe right now."
Physical Movement: Movement helps "burn off" the excess adrenaline and cortisol that anxiety creates.
Consistent Sleep: Anxious brains require 10–12 hours of rest to stay regulated and resilient.
How Professional Counselling Can Help
If your child’s "alarm system" is interfering with their ability to enjoy life, professional support can make a world of difference. At Strong River Counselling, we specialize in research-based treatments including:
Expressive Play Therapy: Helping children "play out" their worries.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Teaching kids to reframe anxious thoughts.
Parent-Led Interventions: Empowering you with the tools to support your child at home.
Take the First Step Toward Peace
Let’s work together to help your child feel safe, confident, and ready to explore the world again.
Book Your Complimentary 15-Minute Consultation Today. Our team of Registered Clinical Counsellors is ready to help your family find the path forward.
Frequently Asked Questions About Childhood Anxiety
1. How do I know if my child has anxiety or is just being defiant?
Anxiety and defiance often look identical because they both trigger the "Fight" response. If your child's "bad behavior" consistently happens before a specific event (like school, a birthday party, or bedtime), it is likely a survival response to a perceived threat. While defiance is about testing limits, anxiety is about a child feeling unsafe and trying to regain control.
2. At what age can childhood anxiety be diagnosed?
Anxiety can be identified in children as young as 3 to 5 years old, often manifesting as extreme separation anxiety or selective mutism. However, it most commonly becomes noticeable during the elementary school years (ages 7-11) as social and academic pressures increase. Early intervention is key, as it prevents the "False Alarm" response from becoming a hardwired habit.
3. Can a child grow out of anxiety without therapy?
While children do develop better emotional regulation as their brains mature, clinical anxiety rarely "goes away" on its own. Without tools, children often develop "avoidance habits" that shrink their world. Therapy doesn't just "fix" the anxiety; it builds a psychological toolbelt that allows the child to navigate challenges for the rest of their life.
4. How does Play Therapy help with anxiety?
Children do not communicate like adults; they don't sit on a couch and talk about their feelings. Play is their first language. In Play Therapy, a Registered Clinical Counsellor uses toys, art, and games to help the child externalize their fears. By "playing out" the bear encounter in a safe environment, the child’s nervous system learns that the threat isn't real, allowing them to process emotions without feeling overwhelmed.
Destinee is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) and the Clinical Director of Strong River Counselling in Coquitlam, BC. With a specialized focus on child and family mental health, she provides expert guidance for families navigating complex emotional landscapes, including childhood anxiety, trauma, and behavioral challenges. Destinee is an advocate for evidence-based support, utilizing her expertise in Play Therapy and Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) to help children and parents across the Tri-Cities build resilience and foster deeper emotional connections.