Ditch the Dash: How to Trade Christmas Chaos for Connection

It is the beginning of December. I’m sufficiently sick of the rain and cold, all the houses on our street are decorated, and my children had their Christmas wishlists completed a month ago.   

As a parent and clinical counsellor, I can relate to the pull towards trying to create a magical Christmas season for your children. For most families,this magic is often translated into overscheduled calendars, the mad dash to shop for “perfect” gifts, an aching back after having wrapped an uncountable number of gifts, and pure exhaustion by the end of December. I have been guilty of this cycle myself. 

This “holiday craziness” comes from a place of love - the desire to spark joy and build lasting special memories for our children. However, going into this holiday season, I am pausing that pattern. I’m reflecting on how to recenter our holiday around what children truly need to thrive and feel joyful: authentic connection.

My hope with this blog post is to offer practical ways for parents to intentionally step away from typical holiday demands that drain our energy and, instead, embrace activities that genuinely nourish our family's emotional well-being this Christmas.

Creating Holiday Traditions Based on Connection

As the holiday season unfolds, I often hear from parents who feel completely overwhelmed, admitting they've lost perspective on why they are engaging in all the strenuous festivities. They describe the effort as not feeling worthwhile, often noting that their children don't seem to genuinely appreciate the exhaustive work involved. This stress reflects a societal shift where the holidays have increasingly become focused on mass consumption and receiving, moving far away from the initial ideals of giving and connection with loved ones.

Research shows that when families spend their holiday time truly connecting and being present with one another, they end up creating stronger and longer lasting memories. Studies show that the memories we remember best are tied to strong feelings, like the joy from shared laughter, special family activities, and being together. These meaningful interactions, instead of holiday “should dos,” is what makes those Christmas memories vivid, easy to remember, and truly beneficial long after the holidays are over (Sezer et al., 2016; Puente-Díaz & Cavazos-Arroyo, 2021).

Ideas to Create Holiday Connection:

• Christmas Light Walk: Take a family walk around the neighborhood to look at lights. Pack some hot chocolate or tea in a thermos and find the largest Christmas inflatable or outlandish Christmas lights.

• Gingerbread Decorating: Plan a gingerbread decorating party (or in my family a competition) with family or friends. 

• Games Night: Organize a boardgame night, where the kids get to pick the games. 

• Do Winter Crafts: As a family, make paper snowflakes, paper chain garland, or salt dough ornaments.

• Ice Skating: Check out toonie family ice-skating at your nearest recreation centre. 

• Christmas Story Marathon: Gather all your Christmas-themed books (or borrow some from the library) and take turns reading them aloud. Grab a cozy blanket and a warm drink to add to the festiveness! 

• Public Library & Community Centre: See what free holiday programs and activities your local public library and community centres are offering

Creating Holiday Traditions Based on Giving Back

When families make shifts in their holiday traditions to integrate more time spent on giving back and helping others, children end up having a more meaningful and lasting experience. Research proves that doing nice things for others actually makes the giver happier and feel better than receiving gifts does. When kids get involved in charity, it boosts their confidence and gives them a strong sense of purpose. They create positive, powerful memories tied to their good deeds and their family's values, not to things they bought. Because of this, those memories of service and experience stick with them and feel much more important over time than the memories of simply consuming (Aknin et al., 2009; Puente-Díaz & Cavazos-Arroyo, 2021). Also, it’s important to remember that while giving back does include donating, there are many free ways to give back to the community. 

Ideas to Give Back During the Holidays:

• Act of kindness advent: Instead of a calendar with candy, create a simple list of 24 free acts of kindness to do each day in December (e.g., call a distant relative, write a thank-you note to a teacher, compliment a stranger, or donate old toys).

• Volunteer to shovel a neighbor's sidewalk: Coquitlam’s Snow Angel Program is a program to do just that! 

• Holiday cards: Make holiday cards for seniors and deliver them to care homes.

• Donate to the food bank: Have your kids help you grocery shop for the foodbank and have them help you deliver the food. 

• Participate in a toy drive: Have your kids pick out a gift to give to the toy bank (Share Family and Community Services has a donation booth at Coquitlam Centre, Port Moody recreation centre has a toy donation drop off)

Creating Holiday Traditions Based on Wellness 

What if parents viewed the holidays as a time for wellness for themselves and others? When a parent realizes that tending to their own well-being not only increases their enjoyment but also positively impacts the whole family, everything changes. By letting go of the intense pressure for a "perfect" holiday—by resting, finding quiet moments, and setting clear boundaries—parents become better equipped to provide the meaningful connection their children truly need. Prioritizing small acts of self-care means you'll be more present and patient, leading to more genuinely joyful and memorable family moments.

Ideas For Practicing Self-Care During The Holidays:

1. Setting Boundaries

• Audit Your Commitments: Look at your schedule and cut out anything that doesn't genuinely bring your family joy. It's okay to say no to a party or an optional activity. Just say: "that sounds lovely, but we won't be able to make it this year." (No detailed explanation needed.)

• Delegate Tasks: Stop being the sole "magic maker." Write a master list of all holiday tasks (decorating, wrapping, baking, addressing cards) and actively delegate them to your partner and children. Even young kids can help with simple tasks like wrapping and tidying.

• Embrace "Good Enough": Let go of the need for a "”perfect” instagram holiday. Mismatched decorations or simpler gifts are perfectly fine. Focus on connection, not perfection.

  
  

 2. Schedule "Me-Time" (Non-Negotiable)

• The 5-Minute Recharge: Commit to at least one tiny break every day. This is a non-negotiable moment for deep breathing, stretching, or just closing your eyes.

  • Examples: Sitting quietly with a cup of tea (while it’s still hot), a 5-minute walk outside, or listening to one favorite Christmas song in silence

• Schedule Alone Time: Communicate with your partner that you need a guilt-free, uninterrupted block of time (30–60 minutes) once or twice a week. Use this time for an activity that truly recharges you, whether it's reading, exercise, or working on a hobby.

• Maintain Routine Basics: Stick as closely as possible to your regular sleep and eating schedules. Lack of sleep and too much sugar/alcohol are major drains on emotional resilience. Prioritize sleep above finishing that last holiday task.

  
  

3. Mindset and Emotional Wellness

• Practice Gratitude: Take a moment each day to write down or mentally note three things you are genuinely grateful for. This shifts your focus from the stress of the "to-do" list to the joy of the present moment.

• Acknowledge All Feelings: The holidays can bring joy, but also grief, loneliness, or frustration. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. It's okay to be sad about a loss or overwhelmed by the chaos, even when everyone else seems happy.

• Limit Social Media: Comparison is the thief of joy. Limit time spent scrolling through others' "perfect" holiday photos and focus on creating happy, real-life memories with your own family.

• Move Your Body: Physical activity, even a brisk 15-minute walk in the fresh air, is a powerful stress reliever and mood booster due to the release of endorphins. Try taking the kids on a neighborhood light walk every evening.

Prioritize Presence: Your Next Step

This Christmas, choose connection over chaos, and presence over presents. The most meaningful gift you can give your family is a calm, present, and emotionally available you. If you find the shift toward connection challenging, or if the holiday stress is triggering struggles for you or your child, please remember that help is available. At Strong River Counselling we invite you to seek support toward emotional well-being by booking a free initial consultation for yourself or your child. Let’s work together to ensure this holiday season builds genuine joy and lasting peace for your family.

At Strong River Counselling, we wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season and a very happy New Year.

Destinee Kreil, MCP, RCC

Destinee is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) and the Clinical Director of Strong River Counselling in Coquitlam, BC. With a specialized focus on child and family mental health, she provides expert guidance for families navigating complex emotional landscapes, including childhood anxiety, trauma, and behavioral challenges. Destinee is an advocate for evidence-based support, utilizing her expertise in Play Therapy and Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) to help children and parents across the Tri-Cities build resilience and foster deeper emotional connections.